literature

An Atypical Seven Minutes in Heaven-Reader Insert

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You sat with a bunch of your friends, at Sofia’s house, getting ready for the big party at Ivan’s place. Word on the street was that it would have games, karaoke, movies, and almost certainly booze; it was Ivan after all. Because of all of that, you and your girls were ready to go and have some fun.
“Do my boobs look big in this one?” Sofia asked as she fidgeted with the neckline of her dress.
“Honestly Sofia, your boobs look big in everything.” Natalia, said as she painted Elizabeta’s toenails.  The getting ready proceeded until Michelle got a wicked smile on her face.
“So, did all of you hear about the obligatory ‘seven minutes in heaven’ game Ivan’s throwing together?” she asked.
“It’s probably because he can’t get laid.” you giggled, knowing that most were scared to get into a relationship with him, let alone screw him.
“So, who would you want to be your first kiss, Lilli?” Elizabeta said. Lilli reddened.
“You do realize there will be a lot of good-looking men there, right?” The room erupted in giggles, “But seriously, you know Feliciano? He looks like he’d be a good kisser. What about you, Elizabeta? With your breakup, you have options.” Lilli said. All of the girls started to slip on shoes and add last-minute details to their makeup.
“Hm…never thought about it. Now that you mention it though, I’ve always wondered how it would feel to kiss a girl.” The room went silent as everyone thought of the big question. Who is she? Is she me?
“Well, the odds that you’ll get a girl are astronomically low at that sausage fest, but I wish you luck.” Juliette said as she opened the door.  The group of you and your friends made the walk from Elizabeta’s place to Ivan’s. You could hear the music from a block away and hoped that no neighbors would call the cops. Natalia opened the door and the sheer amount of sound was astonishing.
“Hello ladies! Almost everyone’s here now!” Matias yelled. You nodded and went in. Then, you headed off to watch people fail at karaoke, but your heart stopped when you saw who was on stage. Eduard was giving a request to Kiku, who nodded and started looking for the song.
“Now…this was a dare from Feliks. I hope you all like it.” Eduard then proceeded to rap “I’m Sexy and I Know it,” and you felt your face redden by the second. You couldn’t pinpoint when exactly your admiration for the dork turned into a particularly large crush, but it did. Now, though what he sang was clearly a joke, you couldn’t help but agree with every word. After a few other people went up and sang through more hilarious selections, Alfred started screaming at the top of his lungs for everybody to get into the living room.  The entire party eventually complied. You sat down next to an older friend of yours, Makena, and started listening. Of course, it took a while to shut upwards of fifty people up, but Alfred managed to do it.
“Okay, now I give the floor to Ivan!” Nobody dared to talk.
“Hello! Each of you has a slip of paper in this hat with your name on it. I’ll now pull a name…Yao and…Gilbert.”
“I’m getting too old for this…wait. Gilbert? As in Gilbert Beilschmidt?” Yao asked. Gilbert made a sad sound as he walked to the front of the room.
“Aw! I wanted to be stuck in the closet with someone hot.” Gilbert joked as he walked into the closet. Yao followed him. In the next seven minutes, they walked out, reminiscing about the history of Prussia and China. Not too exciting.
The next few continued to that effect and the talking outside of the closet rose in volume.
“Hey, _______. I have some advice to give you. I know it’s not happening now, but I’ve been to my fair share of these parties, albeit on the outskirts. There’s always that one couple caught banging in the closet. No one can finish in seven minutes, incorporating the three or four minutes of initiation, without being heard or caught.  Don’t try.” Makena said.
“I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks!” you replied. Suddenly, a few people closer to the closet began catcalling as bangs came from the small space. Makena nodded her head in that general direction and you rolled your eyes. Soon after, Ivan opened the door and quickly slammed it shut. A few minutes after that, Feliciano and Roderich stumbled out of the closet, very disheveled. Roderich tried to go unnoticed, but Feliciano made a show of dragging him upstairs. About thirty seconds after that, the bad touch trio went in their wake. You flashed Makena a disgusted look.
“The voyeurs.”  she whispered.
Many more turns came and went without event after that; just boring talking--no confessions of love, and barely even kissing. Then, Elizabeta and Natalia got drawn to go in together. Amidst guys yelling in protest, they did something during those seven minutes, and the other girls all gave each other knowing looks.  They walked out and Elizabeta winked at you.  After that, there were four names left in the hat that, if you saw who went correctly, were you, Ivan, Eduard and Ludwig. Ivan looked into the hat and pulled out two names.
“Okay, so ______...and…this’ll be interesting…Ludwig.” your heart sank. Not that you didn’t like Ludwig, he was an okay guy, but you definitely had the possibility of getting Eduard and you didn’t. You sighed and walked into the closet. Ludwig walked in after you, and, suddenly, there was darkness.
Nothing really happened for the first few minutes, and then, Ludwig cleared his throat.
“Yes, Ludwig?” you asked.
“Well…I wonder how to put this, but ______, I’ve loved you for a long time…do you feel the same way?” Ludwig muttered. You stood in shock; you knew your answer, but you wanted to say it without hurting Ludwig too badly.
“Uh…” Then it hit you. Just be blunt. Anything else and you’d wind up hurting him, “No, Ludwig. I like someone else.” your response hit him like a truck full of bricks. He stood without saying anything for a few seconds and then ran out, slamming the door behind him.  You awkwardly shuffled out of the closet and sat down by Makena again.
“Didn’t go too well, did it?” she asked.  You shook your head. After Eduard and Ivan had a shouting match in the closet--something about the interest of immigrants--the party went back to normal.  Feliciano and Roderich were still nowhere to be found, and Ludwig was getting consoled by Gilbert. Kiku went up to you and tapped you on the shoulder.
“Pardon me, ______, but I am good friends with Ludwig. He’d liked you for just over a year, and you were the only one who didn’t know about it, it seems. It honestly sounds like a bad fanfic-”
“The cops are coming!” yelled Toris at the top of his lungs.  The party went quiet for a bit and sirens could be heard. The music got turned off and chaos ensued. Gilbert took his underage brother Ludwig, who had clearly been drinking and made a break for it. Kiku shrugged.
“I’m legal.” he took a pause, “The less people running, the better.” You shrugged and ran off; you weren’t 21 years old, and though you hadn’t drank a drop, you weren’t about to rat on your friends.  Lien seemed to share your thoughts, grabbed your wrist and started toward the back door.
“Vash took off with Lilli, Nata and Liz are long gone, and Sofia told me to say that we’re having a small after-party at her place.” she said between pants. Ivan lived right off of a forest, which the two of you were now running through in the middle of the night.
“Why did we have to go this way?” you asked.
“Cops will be going for the easy prey in the streets. The forest is too much work for them.”
After stumbling through a dark forest that Lien somehow knew her way around, you got to Sofia’s place.
“I’m glad you two are back.” Sofia said. You looked around the room. Makena, Feliks, Toris, Leon, Michelle, and a few others were sitting around and looking very tired.
“We’re following what’s going on via text. Kiku just sent a message saying Gilbert and Ludwig got away, but Ravis wasn’t so lucky. Though, as we know, he can hold his alcohol well, he was only fifteen years old, causing him to get hauled off. Feliciano had escaped by finally using Ludwig’s training and getting on the roof before the cops could find him, according to himself. He’s coming to join us in a bit. Nata and Liz sent a text, assuring us that they were very okay…” Sofia continued enthralling everyone with crazy stories of arrests, couples “caught in the act,” and other strange tales. After that, you decided parties with 7 minutes in heaven weren’t all they were cracked up to be.
After being completely dormant in the reader-insert community, I come back with...a parody? Yes, though the "Seven Minutes in Heaven" fan fictions are dormant (as they rightfully should be), I wanted to make a joke out of the repetitive nature of these fan fictions.
Sofia=Ukraine
Michelle=Seychelles
Makena=Kenya (yes, she's a character)
Leon=Hong Kong
Lien=Vietnam
© 2014 - 2024 VividSunsets
Comments6
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BriMK's avatar
Omg, this is amazing! It's so hilarious!